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Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
1:12 pm - Chronicling Rehoboth
Jon and I had our first romantic long weekend in a GAY TOWN. It was AWESOME. Let me begin.

Friday night, after the craziness of getting the house together and painting my bathroom (thanks B!), I drove up to Silver Spring. We had leftovers at Jon's parents and then went back to Jon's where he finished packing. Jon's a late-packer-person.

We woke up around 7 on Saturday morning and left around 8. After a really easy drive up through mostly farmland (and we weren't on 50 that much) we arrived at our Econolodge palace. Well it may not look like a lot from the outside, but with functioning A/C, a king sized bed and a whirlpool tub, we were rolling in luxury. Only one problem, it was about a 5 minute drive from the beach, and as we discovered, there was no easy parking around Rehoboth. Most of the streets around the main avenue charged for parking and it was at least 1.50 per hour at 3 hour max meters. Ridiculous.

So we dropped off our stuff and strolled into town for lunch. We ended up at a little sandwich shop called S.O.B.'s. I had a greek sandwich that rocked my tussee off. Only problem was, it wasn't quite filling. We went down to look at the ocean and man...nothing can compare to the first glance at the ocean.

I believe at this point, Jon and I went back to the hotel to ready ourselves for the beach and then drove to a state beach down Columbia where you can park for $7 all day. NICE. Jon splashed in the water while I read my book, knitted and relaxed. Of course, we covered ourselves

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Thursday, May 29th, 2008
12:22 am - :)
I'm really glad that I'm back to posting!

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008
11:45 pm - I know, I know....
It's been like 10 years since I've put up a decent post. But here I am putting up a decent post. I think?

Life has been treating me well. Other than the minor fender bender that occurred today, and my ex calling me during the fender bender and not leaving a message, my life is good.

Let me make a list of things accomplished:
  • Fall in love
  • Get my master's degree
  • Get a summer job
  • Get hired for a career
  • Make lots of money
  • Save lots of money!
So those are all in the process or are completed. Getting my house together is yet another goal, but I think that I'll be able to take care of that. Maybe? I just feel like I need a week off of work to get everything done. Well next weekend is the last week, I believe. So after that, my house is mine to clean. And Jon is coming the weekend after. Maybe he can help :) Jon and cleaning don't usually mix so I'll probably entice him with promises of a home-cooked meal.

Other than that, I did something that took me 21.5 years to do. CUT MY HAIR SHORT! If I knew how to upload pictures, I would. For those of you who are actually my friend and not some weird roommate that kicked me out that still happens to read my lj, you can check me out on facebook. For the weird roommate who still reads this, don't you worry, you young spring chicken! I am still cute! HA!

So, my mom felt horrible about the fender bender today and gave me a $26 gift cert to Santoni's. While I was there, I saw this mom and her daughter that I used to babysit for. The mom and I chatted about rock climbing for a while and the kid looked completely puzzled. Then the girl asked me if I rock climb at all and I said...yeah, all the time! I thought you knew about that? She finally recognized me (short hair/new glasses effect) and told me that she chose me to write about for her "role model" essay. How cool is that??!!! I don't think I've ever before been someone's role model. Yeah!

I cannot wait to get into my classroom and start teaching. I'm stoked to go next week and take down and inventory. I'm also going to hopefully gather some curriculum books so that I can do some planning. I just can't wait to walk into that classroom with everything organized my way....It'll be great to know that all that space is mine. And you know what? I worked hard to get that job. And I'm happy where I ended up. Try and guess where it is....?

So unfortunately, or fortunately...Jon and I have been feeling the marriage pressure. Everyone in my family seems to be holding their breath while they wait for us to take the next step. I know it has to be one of those, "when we're ready" type of things. But....haha....I think I'm ready. I have my whole life together and that is just the next step. Which should be fun! But Jon isn't quite ready yet. He just started saving, but is saving for vacations, not us. Also, he's still just a paralegal and is thinking of law school but hasn't applied. It'll happen when it happens....

So Ryan gave my mom and I the stressful but possibly fun task of organizing his room while he galavants with his chick across the US. He wants a wood, masculine bed and seafoam green walls. I think in that tiny room, his dresser will double as his desk. And as for closet space? Well, good luck. I have to put an ad on craigslist soon but until then, we need to get the house inspected. And yes, we have hardwired our smoke alarms.

Oh and by the way, do you know any other chick that can fix a lawnmower TWICE?

Aww, I love watching the flowers that Ryan and Suz-meister bought me. They seem to open before my eyes. They're some sort of pink flower. I am seriously worried about him getting eaten by a bear or starving or something on his trip. It doesn't help that I just read the book and saw the movie for Into the Wild. I know, I'm overreacting. I think that a more reasonable worry is: how will Ry be when Suzy goes back to England? Ahhhh, the first love. It is always so tragic. There is nothing worse than heartbreak. Well at least Ry will be living with his big sister who has tons of flowers, awesome records to listen to (nothing like Joni Mitchell for a broken heart) and comfort food to eat.

It's weird to finally feel like I am doing the right thing. I was always...more or less...the black sheep of the family. I was the weird one who didn't wear underwear and got mediocher (totally spelled wrong, it's late) grades. I didn't really had a plan, or my only plan was to do some really easy low-paying job like being a park ranger. And I've completely turned that around. I now wear underwear, I graduated with a 4.0, and I have a moderate-paying job that still allows me to give back to the world.

All right. My time here has ended. It is now time for me to pick up Atonement and burn the midnight oil. Until next time, adieu.

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
2:17 pm
Somehow, I am at the same time very grateful and ungrateful to be home. It's weird living the college life. It's weirder returning home to your bed that you slept in throughout high school. Whether I like it or not, I leave stuff around the house and don't clean it up.

This whole Ben thing is driving me crazy. Why would you even go out of your way to make plans for a date when you never call me back? Can you at least be decent enough to pick up your phone and tell me that you're not interested or met someone else or you're too busy for this? Why lead me on and then bring me down? Is this some sort of silly game that you're playing and I just haven't figured it out yet?

So I'm single and I mean really single. I don't feel guilty dating people anymore. I form little crushes and then let them go if it doesn't work out. I look back on how I was held back by relationships. For instance, when I decided to just hang out with only my brother in Israel because my brother and my boyfriend (back home) were the only important people to me. And because of it, I probably ended up missing out on meeting and getting to know some cool people. And moving across the country with a boyfriend back at home? Big mistake.

So maybe I don't need to be in a relationship right now. I probably don't. But what about just a date? Or a crush that actually liked me back? That would be nice to have that. To have someone pursue me. Someone who is kind of old-fashioned. That's the catch 22. I like the independence: I can walk around with unshaven legs, with no makeup, doing whatever I want and I make plans when I want to doing whatever I want. But, I miss the love: e-mails letting me know that you care about me, romantic dinners, talking in bed. So what do I want? WHAT DO I WANT???

Should I become the crazy cat lady? Or the middle aged, overly drunk, poorly dressed sad sad looking single woman? Or should I fall in love and become a soccer mom? Well right now, since I don't have a boyfriend or a date, I have no choice but to remain single. But I still feel the pressure. The pressure is ON. I feel like I'm getting old and people my age are getting married left and right and I don't even have a date??

Actually I'm already a mom. I've been watching Gabi all week. It's been kind of annoying, having to take her to school and such. But last night we had some fun bonding. And that was really cute. I took her to Towson and she got to see my world. I really liked that.

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
4:00 pm
Expect some posting from me. And soon!

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
9:11 pm - Europe
Dear Friends,
I will be in Europe (England, France, Spain and Italy) from May 31, 2006 to June 16, 2006. Feel free to leave me comments and I will reply if I make it to internet cafes.
<3 Jenny

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Friday, April 14th, 2006
6:00 pm

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

5:55 pm - What was going on last night?
Peeing is the worst. I know I have some sort of peeing problem. And I was stuck waking up in the middle of the night every two hours for no other reason than the fact that I had to pee. And now I'm all cranky because of it. I get pissed off when I don't have relaxing days where I can sit around. And I get pissed off when I have relaxing days and don't get anything done.
Why can't I just be happy with what I have?

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Friday, March 3rd, 2006
7:13 pm
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level | Score
Purgatory | Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo | Low
Level 2 | Moderate
Level 3 | High
Level 4 | High
Level 5 | High
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Low
Level 7 | Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge | Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus | Low

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
11:45 pm - Weed Brains
ThEgReEnIe: peebus!
April Gal90: hey
ThEgReEnIe: i'm bowling for love and you're right up my alley
ThEgReEnIe: ready to strike?
April Gal90: o yeah
April Gal90: lol
ThEgReEnIe: hows the skirt
April Gal90: great a lil short so i gettin cute leggings underneath
April Gal90: an the hat?
April Gal90: wel i gtg i hav a meet tom
April Gal90: bye ttyl luv ay lots
April Gal90: ...ya..
April Gal90: nite
ThEgReEnIe: yo
ThEgReEnIe: you're still online
April Gal90: bak
April Gal90: yup
April Gal90: jsu 4 like 10 moer min or so
ThEgReEnIe: moms gonna kill you
April Gal90: what u doin up thsu late girly?...lol
April Gal90: dont tell her
ThEgReEnIe: i'm in college
ThEgReEnIe: haha
April Gal90: she thinks i am sleepin like an angel...lol
April Gal90: tehehh
ThEgReEnIe: hey weed brain
ThEgReEnIe: go to bed
April Gal90: ...weed brai
April Gal90: lol
April Gal90: u shurr the teh one in college...lol
ThEgReEnIe: gabi, you're just in the college of love
ThEgReEnIe: because you're right up my alley
April Gal90: i love
April Gal90: it
April Gal90: we needa send these 2 jen a sandy
April Gal90: taht woudl b hilarious
ThEgReEnIe: gabi
April Gal90: we should get alot 2gether an put them on jens kmyspace
ThEgReEnIe: need to isn't spelled needa
April Gal90: what?
ThEgReEnIe: and a lot is TWO words
April Gal90: sry i not good typer
ThEgReEnIe: sorry
ThEgReEnIe: slow down and practice
ThEgReEnIe: how are you going to get a suitor with typing like that?
ThEgReEnIe: next thing, you're going to tell me that you don't know how to knit...
ThEgReEnIe: oh wait....
April Gal90: o u poop
ThEgReEnIe: not it's
ThEgReEnIe: "oh, you poop."
April Gal90: hey jus tell me which one can jump over hurdles ....what what
April Gal90: an which one is blonde ....what what ...lol
ThEgReEnIe: and yes, I do poop.
ThEgReEnIe: uhhh can you climb 5.10b's clean?
April Gal90: no u r a poop
April Gal90: nvm
ThEgReEnIe: can you eat your food faster than a speeding bullet?
ThEgReEnIe: NO
ThEgReEnIe: i understood the poop thing, i was just being sarcastic silly
April Gal90: yes if i try
April Gal90: will will hav a eatin race next time i c ya
April Gal90: i can win
ThEgReEnIe: 5.10b clean?
ThEgReEnIe: no just me!
ThEgReEnIe: haha no you can't
ThEgReEnIe: i eat faster than nuclear hyper-speed
April Gal90: maybe
April Gal90: but w/e
April Gal90: lol
April Gal90: u can never jump hurdles
ThEgReEnIe: i've never tried
ThEgReEnIe: that doesn't mean that I can't do it
April Gal90: uuhuh
April Gal90: not likt me
ThEgReEnIe: you never know your own potential unless you try
ThEgReEnIe: gabi, your head
ThEgReEnIe: it's gotten...
ThEgReEnIe: bigger
ThEgReEnIe: you might want to pop it with a pin and let a little air out
April Gal90: hey w/e
April Gal90: lol
April Gal90: well i gtg straighten my hair
April Gal90: so bye nite
April Gal90: nite jennybobenny banana fo fenny mi my mommenny jenny
April Gal90 signed off at 11:41:52 PM.

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
4:53 pm
Please reply also to my restaurant review if you liked it. Thanks!

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

4:49 pm
...because I've got time to kill and I feel inspired!
I looked at: price, customer service, food quality, atmosphere and overall ambience.

Best Overall Restaurants: This one goes to the Irish. While my last name is Green, I happen to be Jewish, not Irish but can definitely enjoy a good stout like a real woman does. The Still on York Rd and Ryan's Daughter on Belvedere Ave (?) are great restaurants. When you walk in to both you feel like you're in a building that has been created from a seperate room of multiple pubs that were taken from Ireland. Pretty damn cool. Most of the Irish pubs in the area also have a house beer. And there have been known to be celebrity sightings at Ryan's Daughter (Martin O'Malley!) The food at both is good, while they serve traditional Irish dishes such as Corned Beef they also have great Americanized food, like hamburgers. The prices are not like Mickey D's but if you're going to a restaurant, you may as well GO to a restaurant. Oh, and the Still also offers local musicians a chance to rock out. If you're not delighted with your food, the servers will be happy to give you something that's better. Here's to the Green ;)

Towson's Best Kept Secrets: These two happen to be neighbors. On Allegheny we have two of Towson's best places to roll up to with a hangover. Towson Hot Bagels and Zia's Cafe. Towson hot bagels is a tiny bagel store that offers a great selection at very reasonable prices. They're never out of chocolate chip bagels and the lox is always stocked high. And the coffee is the best in the area, try the pumpkin spice. Right across the street is Zia's cafe. If you're a vegan, a veggie, interested in organic food, or planted a tree when you were in elementary school, then this is your haven. This place has colorful, healthy and flavorful fruit shakes that will blow you away. I wasn't daring on my first visit but was pleased with my choice: a banana and strawberry shake with wheat germ (you don't taste it), sweetened with honey. My homeslice Ashley got a Nut Shake and it was divine. Their empanadas are also great, filled with veggies or organic beef. The restaurant is bright, hip and clean. Take a step inside and you're right in Haight-Ashbury territory.

Best Date Places: (BOTH PRICEY) I'm lucky enough to have a man who looooves to treat me :D There are two places that I would highly suggest in Towson- the Melting Pot and Taste. The melting pot is dark and romantic. At each table you've got a bowl of steaming broth or chocolate and a lot to talk about (aka the menu!) Don't come incredibly hungry, because the food takes a while to cook. But you get to heat up your own food and be creative. That's what I like about the Melting Pot, is that it's different. If you're not looking to spend quite so much, try going dutch on the dessert, or going with a group of friends and splitting the bill. The caramel chocolate turtle dessert is perfect. Taste is something that I've recently discovered. It's on Belvedere also (?) and when I step into taste, I feel like I'm in the swankiest Los Angeles restaurant. One complete wall of the restaurant is a wine rack. If you're lucky enough to eat in the basement room, the wall behind you doubles as a glass window into the kitchen. The top floor is busy but fun. There's even a slide on the stairs! The lamb was really flavor-filled and cooked to perfection. The bar is good for hip socialites.
This is not a place you bring your average J-dater ;)

Last but not least, a much needed ranking of the Mexican food restaurants:
1. Frisco Burrito! The freshest and the best. Their quesadillas are lunar. And it's the closest.
2. (tie) Chipotle and Baja Fresh. The food is good but you're not as important as a customer. These are more fast food oriented.
3. Lo Quiero Taco Bell. It'll fill you up but also give you the shits. It's not worth it.

(2 kiss on the skys | you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

11:59 am - yes!
It seems that my period has had more effect on my body than I had originally thought. I ran the past two days and felt all the good things you're supposed to feel when running:
-muscles stretching
-muscles strengthening
-endorphins flowing
-heart pumping blood
-breath supplying to blood
Today running with my period was like carrying around a bleeding carcass with restrictions on my oxygen and weights around my ankles. Okay, I did exaggerate, but just a little bit. However, for every step I had to give myself that "keep running. don't walk." pep talk. And that sucks. I know that if you run everyday you're gonna have good running days and bad running days. It's just a fact of life. Regardless, I'm proud of myself that I just completed this bad running day. I didn't walk once and that's a prideful 'step' in the right direction :D

On a better note, I wore my tights and running shirt which is like tights for the top of my body. And my body looks goooooood. Now that I have this incredible Sunday job, I have all this time to just run and train and get work done early.

Okay getting work done early. I really have gotten a little crazy about this. But unless I have at least an hour of lee-way time between doing an assignment and turning it in then I have an anxiety attack. Actually in my mind, I'd much rather get things done much earlier. At least a day early. I will think about an assignment the whole day long and sit through all my dumb classes and think, I could be working on that stuff now!!!

Towson, you need to rethink your shit. This whole "juniors and seniors can't live on campus" thing? Well you just screwed yourself. If you are going to create more drivers then create more parking or more public transportation. They are doing neither. Towson promised to bring some buses to the Kenilworth area and have they done it? I don't believe so.

Also, it seems like...if you have to switch your major because you change your mind about what you want to do for the rest of your life then you are screwed. I changed from environmental science to early childhood ed because I didn't see much of a job market in the first major. Because of this I have to take 4 science courses, 4 math courses, extra courses that were fun but I didn't need them and courses that serve no purpose except to fill your brain with stuff that isn't relevant to anything that I'll be doing in my job. This pushed me back a semester and because of it, I am graduating in the Fall instead of the Spring. The gen-ed classes that they made me take that deal with my new major are NOT teaching me anything that I haven't already learned.

But maybe it's just the Education major that is like this. Sucks for the Art Ed majors who are stuck with 5 years no matter what. If they decide to change their major to Art Ed well haha good luck but Towson doesn't support you at all!

Anybody remember those 'freshman communities' that they offered back in '02? Do they still offer those? I think that if they are still offered they should be re-worked and then thrown back into the system. OR they should only be for people who are SURE that they want that communitie's studies to be part of their major. For instance, I took human geography and cultural studies and cultural anthropology as a part of my cultural studies community. While those were some of the most fun classes I've ever taken at Towson, they have nothing to do with Early Childhood Education.

And the fact that I will now have a 5th advisor at Towson soon. There was only one who really helped me in my direction. And he actually said to me, "Jenny, who told you to take all these extra classes?" My previous advisors of course! They just do that shit for the money!

Towson's big plan seems to be spending our money as long as they can by keeping us here as long as they can. I know I'm going to get replies from DEVOTED Towsonites who have been RA's for three years and think that everything I'm saying is bull. I just recognize that somebody's gotta say this or else it may never get said. If you want to argue with me, then go ahead and reply but I'm not changing my opinion.

(2 kiss on the skys | you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Sunday, January 29th, 2006
8:44 pm - SO!
Last night I had a mini breakdown almost reminiscient of my high school days. My mom took it upon herself to clean my room while I was gone for the day. That involved moving everything around, reorganizing everything and throwing away tons of clothes and stuff. If you know what type of person I am then you know that I have to live in filth and cleanliness stresses me out a lot. I was having an almost anxiety attack last night!

I way overestimated how much time it would take to for me to get to my class and not I have time to do nothing. Not that I'm complaining but I'd much rather be doing work now if I could help it.

I'm so happy about my training coming up. If I work hard and don't screw things up then I think that a half-marathon is really attainable. There's this guy named Hal Higdon and he's got a 12-week training plan. It's not too heavy at all, I just need to be careful because I'm concurrently training for climbing. And skateboarding too. Today I ran 2 miles EASILY and I didn't have any music. I'm really happy about that because all music tends to do is distract me. It helps me to sprint but I'm constantly changing the songs and that's not worth it.

I wish that all my good friends lived around here. Ashley and I always say to each other, "you're the only friend I've got around here". That's not true, I've def got my brother and Sam and Rach and Danny of course. But I miss Karen and Leah and Barry and Mike all the time.

Class time!

(1 kiss on the sky | you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Saturday, January 28th, 2006
9:52 pm
My mom cleaned my room and she threw away everythign and i'm really stressing out.

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Monday, January 23rd, 2006
12:13 am - $$$
Gone. Gone and Gone.

All because some little bastard infection attacked me once again.


(1 kiss on the sky | you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Sunday, January 15th, 2006
12:05 am - Saturday Night Thoughts
I just farted and my ribcage is freezing. Does that mean that a soul has entered my body? Not looking forward to teaching Judaism to 7 year olds tommorow but I will be making the green. It's all about making the green...

ps. I've been thinking a lot recently...probably will become a private post.

(1 kiss on the sky | you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
11:31 am - Stars of David
Literature has once again done it. I'm sitting here reflecting on my Judaism as I read Jewish statements from those that I have come to admire recently: the stars. I am forced to realize the similarities that we all have and that for some reason, we were all once ashamed. I do love my parents but I wish that they had really addressed my Judaism as a family effort. They kind of did it because they were supposed to. Not to say that I'm upset about my upbringing....

For the first ten years of my life, I felt upset that we had given up our Christian traditions. For those of you who don't know, my great-grandmother on my mother's side of the family was Southern Baptist. She was always described as being a Southern Belle that loved to cook and sew. And in her honor, for the first five years of my life, we celebrated Christmas and Easter. Daddy dressed up as Santa for his store, so he came home as Santa and Mommy said that Santa flew in on his sleigh through the window on the kitchen sink. We never celebrated these holidays in honor of Christ, we just did them because they were fun. Come to think of it, we never really talked about my great grandmother when we did them either. I think that my mom just performed the holidays so that she would remember the love and care that my great-grandmother brought into the home; it was a personal thing for her. She then wanted to bring that into her own home by celebrating the holidays.

I remember longingly looking at those Pascal's (or whatever they were called) egg-dye packages at the supermarket after we stopped celebrating and asking my mom...."I know it's after Easter, but can't we just dye a few eggs???" She set her foot down. "Your father and I made a mistake by celebrating Easter and Christmas and we shouldn't have done it. We're Jews and we just don't do that". And the conversation ended at that.

Why was I allowed to be like everyone else for a while and then it was just taken away? Why was I allowed to rejoice and then forced to give it up? And why were the Christian holidays about happiness and the Jewish holidays always about suffering? These are questions that I constantly asked myself as a young child. The thing is...Pesach, Yom Kippur, and all those Jewish holidays all touched on something from way back when. From my ancestors. At the time, they could have been just talked about the pre-homosapien character who walked around and made primitive tools. I sympathized with the ancestors described in the Torah stories but I didn't feel any connection. Here I was "part-Christian" and wasn't keeping kosher and wasn't discussing my religion or my heritage with my family. My mom once told me that we were mostly from Poland but also from Russia but also had relatives in South Africa and there was a French guy in the family too. I don't know exactly where everyone was from. It seems not right to not have your roots in any soil. For that reason, I envy African-Americans. I guess in a way, I consider myself American. But I also try to be sorta Russian and Polish. Well I guess that I;m also kind of Israeli.

And that brings me to another discussion. The birthright trip. The whole trip went by very fast. The whole time I was in a new land, I couldn't hold onto anything. I couldn't say to myself, I feel the Judaism. And maybe that's because I didn't know enough before I left. I had a very basic understanding of Jerusalem: Jews, Christians and Muslims all live there and they fight a lot and it's our most holy city. And that was about it. Little did I know, there were actually four religious groups of people living there and g-d forgive me but right now I can't think of the name of the fourth. Isn't that ironic?

I learned a lot about something in Israel that's almost more important to me than the bible stories. I'm not gonna lie to you and say that the bible stories don't hold any significance but like I said before, I sympathize but don't feel as much of a connection. I learned that Israel is ours because of the Holocaust. I got to see the hollowed out tunnels that carried the Jews in after the holocaust across the Middle Eastern borders to their holy land of Israel. And I can remember that day vividly. We were in some coastal town. Some gorgeous town that had blue seas, blue skies and white sea walls. It was cold but it was pretty. There didn't seem to be any sorrow left in the tunnels anymore. These were the tunnels of peace, carrying the survivors to a kind of Heaven. And it almost seems like Heaven would look like that. They finally felt protected by g-d.

And that is when I discovered Zionism. I feel the strength in my people now. I used to STILL feel slightly ashamed to visit the Holocaust Museum in the US. I used to feel like, they killed my people because we were not as good as others. In fact, I could see why they would want a people that all looked the same and thought the same. But that is not reality. I shouldn't have to look down when I should be looking right into the eyes of my annhilated people. I should look right at the pictures of the families, the piles of shoes, the tracks of the death camp trains.

I've considered leaving Judaism. Who hasn't nowadays? I've considered forgetting about and "letting Jesus into my heart". As a child I was scared to go into churches because Jesus might just creep right in. Isn't that how it happens? Rach told me that she actually felt it happen and that kind of glorified it for me. But just as I will probably never leave my democratic views, I'm never going to leave my Judaism. I can practice other religions BUT JUDAISM WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY BLOOD AND A PART OF ME. I can't turn away from Judaism. Somebody like me sees it everyday in the mirror. I used to be so jealous of my sister. She gets to look Goyim, Aryan. She gets to look like she belongs. Blond hair, blue eyes. Why was I chosen to be the one that people look at and can label right away as being Jewish. Could I lie and say Spanish, Greek or Italian...just to avoid embaressing questions?

It's interesting that I'll spend a ton of time amidst Jews or 'enlightened' Christians and then all of a sudden I get thrown into a situation where "Jewish people only exist on the television". That was the case of this semester. While my professor and a few friends in my cohort seemed to have an understanding of Judaism, a lot just "kinda knew Jews existed". When I first arrived in the cohort, I seemed to have few friends. In the back of my mind, I realised that the others might have ostrasized me because of my Judaism. There was, however, one girl who had always accepted me since the beginning, Emily.

Emily, one of the most Jesus loving girls was the most curious. We had lots of discussions on religion. And there is nothing that makes me respect a person more than being able to discuss religion with them. For some reason, if I am able to put myself out there, and to be understood and not accused, it helps me to accept others, and understand myself even more. I always come out of religious talks feeling like both my mind and my heart have expanded and that while we are different in background, that human beings are human beings.

I like that at times Judaism is very laid back. If you want to join Judaism then SURE! We'd love to have you. But we're not gonna go out trying to recruit people. Our religion is for believers, not for converters. Judaism seems very private at times. I recall hearing stories about Jewish families that practiced Shabbos in hidden rooms of basements. I recall thinking, "why didn't the just forget about it and pretend to be Christian? It wouldn't be hard and if it saved your life it's worth it." But dying for a belief has become something that to this day, I'm striving to understand and getting closer and closer with every moment. I might be the foolish person that would choose to go down with their purse and not give it up. You killed me for a McDonald's card?

Okay, not jokingly...What if a person was carrying the torah down the street and someone ran up to them and tried to steal it. In a split second they have a choice: Give the torah away to the theif or be shot and killed, potentially risking that the torah be shot and damaged by blood and also potentially having the torah touch the ground, which is probably the worst thing that could happen to our most holy item. If someone is trying to steal a torah they would probably be Jewish, right? And that would mean that for whatever reason, they really needed a torah It would probably be in good hands, right? But what if they recognized the torah for its gilded crown and rubies adorning it's coat and just wanted to steal those and throw the scrolls in the dirt like a hamburger wrapper. The torah would be tainted, gone. Would it then be worth it to die for what you beleive in? Gripping onto the torah as your blood spilled onto the streets but never letting go? Is that worth it, to die for paper? Is it worth it to die for religion? Is it worth it to die for what you believe in?

So I spent the first ten years of my life being unhappy that my parents stopped celebrating Christian holidays. I wish they had explained to my why...more...in depth. But now I've spend the past five years of my life being glad that they stopped celebrating them. I had to understand why by myself. I had to figure out for myself through years and years of though and self-reflection. But I figured it out. You are who you are and that will never change. Jewish people may convert to Christianity. Jewish babies may be adopted and raised Muslim or Buddhist. But in my eyes, they're still Jewish.

I'm gonna close this with a quote from Jason Alexander nee Jay Greenspan. It's kind of crude. It's kind of bold. It relates religions to sexual orientation. And here it goes:
"It absolutely bothers me," he confesses. "I always make a joke about this: I say, 'You know, I got nothing against homosexuals. But I have a little problem with bisexuals. Make a goddamn choice. What is it, I'll fuck anything'" He laughs. "You're a Jew or you're not a Jew." He puts on a whiny voice:'I'm a Jew, but, you know, I like candy canes.' Either get out or get in. One or the other." -Jason Alexander in "Stars of David" by Abigail Pogrebin

(1 kiss on the sky | you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Monday, December 26th, 2005
2:34 pm - Vacay
This year Coolfont actually has a computer with internet in the lodge so here I am. This vacation has been really nice. We're staying in a house called "wings." By first appearance it seems crappy but as it turns out, it's gorgeous inside. the whole back wall is like one big window. My room is the shiznit because I got the biggest bed. And little me and no one to share it with! (missing Dan)

Last night the family spend time knitting, watching movies and doing a 500 piece puzzle. Geebs wanted to do a 1000 piece puzzle and I told her she was nuts. This one still isnt' complete. The ride down was weird. We had no foot space becauseof all the food. Thankfully we had legally blond on the little dvd player.

this morning I woke up at 7:30 because some woman called me from the J asking me to work. UHHH NO!!! Read the sign lady, I'm not around. So I slept till 10:00 when Gabi jumped on my bed screaming and being wild. Yeah, payback.I went downstairs and had a full, complete breakfast then finished my rainbow scarf.It's not lesbian-tastic rainbows, just multi-colored.

Then I did a nice long run down to the workout room. The hills at the end were intense. Tomm is gonna be trail running. I did some weight stuff and the elliptical for another hour. I wanted to swim but mom and Gabi were going to the lodge for lunch. After a big lunch, I'm full of gas and ready for my massage. HA!

While I was changing in the locker room this little 5 year old girl ran out naked and jumped in the hot tub. I joked with her mom and said i was wondering what she'll be when sshe grows up. Call my cell, it may/may not ring.

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

Sunday, December 25th, 2005
11:46 am - MERRY
Away on VACAY Christmas to this Wed. Call me. Let's get together and have sleepovers when I get back. You know who you are!
I <3 R+M

(you like my point of view, but i'm insane...)

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